Flippin' Dummy

When I was a kid, one of my weirder hobbies was ventriloquism. I don’t remember why I got started, but I do remember that some people thought I was pretty good at it. In the short time that I was a ventriloquist, I won several local talent shows, and one time I even got to appear on live TV. The... [read more]

Friday, June 20, 2008 in Humor, Personal | Permalink | Comments (6) | Incoming Links

My Master is an Asshole (a Response From Calvin)

Apparently my master thinks I'm an asshole. Well, big deal. I can tell you the feeling is mutual. If you don't think he's an asshole, then explain to me why he wants me to call him my "master," like I'm in frickin' "I Dream of Jeannie" or something. Hell, if I was a genie, I'd blink my eyes and transport... [read more]

Wednesday, September 05, 2007 in Humor | Permalink | Comments (4) | Incoming Links

My Dog is an Asshole

There, I said it. And I'll say it again. Despite being cute enough to make the furry felines at LOLCats.com seem ugly by comparison, my dog is an asshole. Oh sure, you're probably saying, "deep down, I'll bet he's a nice doggie." But you know what? When you have to say that "deep down" someone is nice, it's because they're... [read more]

Tuesday, September 04, 2007 in Humor | Permalink | Comments (13) | Incoming Links

Nose Candy

I told this horrible little story to my children recently, and they enjoyed it so much that I figured I'd share it here. My parents took us on a lot of long car rides when I was kid, presumably as punishment (for both them and us). I remember how incredibly boring these trips were - I couldn't read without getting... [read more]

Friday, July 06, 2007 in Humor | Permalink | Comments (8) | Incoming Links

Hold the Cream Cheese

As a general rule, people who work by themselves develop unusual habits. I wish I could say I'm the exception to that rule, but unfortunately I've developed a socially unacceptable habit that never would've occurred if I didn't work at home. It's kind of embarrassing, but the truth is that I entertain myself with my own belches. Not only do... [read more]

Friday, March 30, 2007 in Humor | Permalink | Comments (16) | Incoming Links

Holy Rush

My family moved to Tennessee when I entered my teen years, and it was there that I met my first true love. She was a southern girl whose father was a fire-and-brimstone minister. I was 16 at the time, and to prove my devotion to her I agreed to attend one of her father's church services... [read more]

Monday, February 12, 2007 in Humor | Permalink | Comments (14) | Incoming Links

Mints Make Me Sneeze

I seem to be unique among people I know in that mints make me sneeze. And I'm not talking about a minor sneeze here: give me an Altoid, and I'll sneeze half-a-dozen times with enough force to part the Red Sea. It's a strange affliction, but at least my sneezes smell fresh. My kids think this is the funniest thing... [read more]

Monday, January 22, 2007 in Humor | Permalink | Comments (14) | Incoming Links

Crazy Poopin' Bird

I used to consider myself a nature lover, but that all changed when the crazy poopin' bird made my car his home. It all started one summer morning two years ago when I found my car covered with bird droppings. My car had been used by birds for target practice before, but never like this. The sheer amount of stuff... [read more]

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 in Humor | Permalink | Comments (21) | Incoming Links

Goober Quail and the Unfortunate Toenail

Even though we've been married for over a decade, my wife Carolyn still tells me stories about her childhood that I never heard before. Carolyn grew up in a small town in Tennessee which had its fair share of unusual characters - including, as I recently discovered, her grandfather. My wife fondly remembers her grandfather as a grouchy old fellow... [read more]

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 in Humor | Permalink | Comments (4) | Incoming Links

The Scum Brothers

I'm willing to bet that politicians who promote family values would tone down their rhetoric if they had known my two brothers and I when we were in college. We were a swell bunch of guys, of course, but we had our quirks, one of which was a complete lack of desire to clean up after ourselves. A friend of... [read more]

Sunday, September 18, 2005 in Humor | Permalink | Comments (6) | Incoming Links