Signs of Life

Last week's surgery was a success, but man I sure don't feel like it. Once the doctor got inside my head (something my wife has been trying to do for years), he discovered that the tumor had more than doubled in size since I had an MRI a couple months back. At that rate of growth, it would've become life-threatening much earlier than anticipated, so it's a good thing I had the procedure sooner rather than later.

In order to remove the tumor, the surgeon had to remove my left hearing nerve, which means I'm now totally deaf in that ear. He also had to remove the left balance nerve, which as you can imagine has left me really off-kilter. The first two days after the surgery I was too dizzy to even open my eyes - all I'd see was a spinning room - and my wife says that when I did open my eyes, they darted rapidly back and forth, as though they were trying to figure out what to focus upon. I'll skip the rest of the details, but suffice to say, those first few days were among the worst I've ever experienced.

I'm an annoyingly positive person, though, so I haven't really let this whole thing get me down. In fact, the only time I'd say I was really depressed was when I listened to music on the car ride home. Even though I listen to music all the time, for some reason I hadn't considered how music would change once my hearing nerve was removed. I was pretty choked up when I discovered how flat my favorite songs sounded with only one ear to hear them through.

The other thing I wasn't completely prepared to handle was how I'd look after the operation. Let's just say that whoever cut my hair must've tackled my head like it was sheep ready for shearing. When combined with the huge line of staples going up the side of my head, my fancy new hair-do makes me look flat-out freakish. A neighbor of mine was very kind, though, and suggested that I looked like Johnny Depp (to which I replied, "Do you mean in Edward Scissorhands?").

The good news is that I'm getting better each day, and I'm already taking short walks to help regain my sense of balance. Right now walking on solid ground feels like walking on a cruise ship riding the waves, but I'm confident that walking will feel more natural within a month or so. And once walking is normal, I plan to get back to running again (running is definitely an addiction!).

The fact that I'm able to type this blog entry less than a week after the operation has me hopeful that recovery will be quicker than I was led to believe, but it will still be a few weeks before I'm able to really tackle any serious work. In the meantime, I'm sure I'll keep up with the blog world, and I'll post here every now and then with random thoughts about the progress of my new hairstyle :)

Comments

[Michael Coates]

Good to see you back on the wire and so soon. Keep your positive mental stance and the rest of you will catch up.

[Rijk]

Hi Nick,

It's good to read from you here. Good luck with the recovery!

[Ryan Guill]

Congrats on the surgury! Im glad it went well and we will continue to keep you in our prayers. Any chance of a picture of your new hair do in the meantime though? ;)

[Slobokan]

Thanks for the update Nick. We all hope you are back up on your feet (and not swaying from side to side) very, very soon. ;)

[Michael Moncur]

Nick,

Glad you made it back online so fast! You've inspired me, I'm going to try to be more annoyingly positive myself.

[Sascha]

Good luck with the recovery from me too. I hope with the loss of your hearing on one side you also lost your tinnitus. Sometimes the signal gets like branded into your brain and people who are completely deaf have said that they still hear the tinnitus.

All the best

[james]

Wow, good to know your okay. I lost my sense of balance for 2 days due to an inner ear infection, and it was probably the scariest thing I've had to go through medically speaking. I'm very impressed with your attitude and resolve. Good luck man.

[Andrew Herron]

Glad to hear everything went well, bit sad that you had to lose your hearing nerve but it's certainly better than the alternative :)

Wishing you the best for your recovery.

[Rijk]

Hi Nick,

It's good to read from you here. Good luck with the recovery!

[Chris G.]

Good luck, glad to hear the operation went ok.

[J]

Hey Nick glad everything went well. Stay optimistic and get well soon!

[Mark Mandel]

Good luck mate!

Glad to hear you are getting better.

[Thorsten Ebers]

Good luck to you.
I wish you all the best.

[Peter Tilbrook]

Very sorry to hear about your hearing reduction but all the best for a speedy recovery.

ACTCFUG members, Canberra, Australia

[Alex Ezell]

A friend I met this summer had the same surgery with nearly identical results and subsequent hearing loss. He said it took him several months to feel completely normal as far as balance was concerned.

Glad you got it taken care of and I wish a speedy recovery.

[Yvonne Adams]

Best wishes, Nick!

Knowing you, you'll be back to the gym in no time.

That skydiving trip with your NFL bud in, what was it, 2 years(?) may have to be put off a week or two though.

[Brendan Smith]

Nick,

I really feel for you with your loss of hearing. I have an inkling of how it must feel, though I never had the prospect of permanent hearing loss.

Don't freak though mate, you'll be surprised at how the brain can work magic. The human ear doesn't _hear_ as much as you think, there is research that indicates that the brain "approximates" quite a large amount of detail in conversation (therefor music too, no?) from information it has stored away.

The clarity will come back over time - just stay your bouyant self!

Glad to _read_ you're still among the living mate.

[OSUKid7]

Glad to hear the surgery went well. Best wishes for a quick recovery. :) As always, looking forward to your great work on your software.

Get well soon!

[Paul Gruber]

Hi Nick
aqui vai uma nota internacional para o teu blog. Diretamente de São Paulo, Brazil. Estamos felizes por te-lo de volta e com o espirito tao forte e positivo.

all the best

[critter42]

Can't wait to see you back up to full speed.

Is it too late to tell you to avoid seeing Bruce Campbell's "Man with the Screaming Brain" on Sci-Fi? :)

Get well soon - we miss you!

[Alex Barnett]

thanks for sharing with us Nick, great to hear the surgery went well.

I'm pretty much deaf in my left ear since my brother decided it would be a good idea to get a kitchen towel tube, put it against my ear and scream. I was 13.

Brendan makes a good point. Your brain will reconfigure to allow your other ear to compensate. You'll notice less the loss of hearing over time.

Here's the bright side of the bad ear:

- If you're a light sleeper (I am), going to sleep on your good hear (bad ear up) makes for a great natural and cheap noise-reduction system.

- You can ignore people at will and not offend them. Simply place your corresponding the index finger over the good ear's Tragus (see below). Useful for those mother-in-law moments.

- When things get too loud (such as an ambulance screaming and wailing while it passes) you only need to cover one ear, leaving you with a free hand to drink your Starbucks.

Anyway, have speedy recovery!

Alex.

*References*
The Tragus location - it is the pierced bit
http://www.pinpoint-piercing.no/images/galleri/ear/tragus01.jpg

It could be worse:
http://bioteach.ubc.ca/TeachingResources/Genetics/Mouse%26Ear.jpg

[Eric Lunt]

Nick, I'm so relieved that the doctors identified the problem in time and that the surgery was a success. I can't wait for you to be able to run again.

Good luck with your recovery, and live each day in a new light.

[Chetan]

Hi Nick -

Great to see you back online. That said, you've got to get yourself a life man. Don't push it. Enjoy your rest and vacation, I guess you're doing that already. Here's to your health. Cheers.

[Rick F]

Nick -- good to hear you made it through the surgery! Take things one step at a time and don't over do anything.

[James Fee]

Glad to hear it Nick! Stay positive and keep letting us know how you are doing.

[Rain Bo]

Nick,

glad to hear that you're doing better and wish you all the best with your recovery. To give you encouragement with the music, I've been totally deaf in my right ear for my entire life and I truly enjoy music. My tastes are eclectic and range from Willie Nelson to Luciano Pavoratti. I suspect your perceptions will shortly adapt to your new single ear status and you will enjoy music once again to the fullest.

[Ralf]

Hi Nick,

good to hear the surgery was ok.

It's really supporting to see you beeing so positive about the recovery process. Keep it on and get well soon!

[Louie]

Take care of YOU Nick

[Daniel]

Good to know you're back and well, and you're keeping that positive mood. Hope you completly recover soon. Take care!

[Randy]

Nick: After being away from web development for three years, I was asked to do a redesign -- first thing I reached for was topstyle and then I read your blog! OMG! Hope your recovery is a speedy one. You're the best.

[Jerome]

Hello Nick,

I'm sure you will recover in no time. Take care of you.

[stuart taylor]

Best of luck with the recovery mate, take care

[Roy Reed]

Nick, take care of yourself and have a speedy recovery.
Best wishes, Roy

[Marko Dugonjić]

I'm sure you'll run again :)

[Nicola Ken Barozzi]

I'm very happy to hear from you, good luck for a speedy recovery!

[Laurens]

Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Nick! I hope this can provide a little comfort: my father is also deaf in one ear (also because of surgery) and he still enjoys music greatly. Keep the positive vibe!

[Arvind]

Hi Nick, glad to know the surgery went ok, best wishes for a speedy recovery :)

[JD]

Good to know that your surgery went smooth. Wish you a speedy recovery! :)

JD

[Mark]

Get well soon!

[MJK]

Congratulations on a succesful surgery and I hope you recover quickly, I've never seen someone so positive :)

[MJK]

Congratulations on a succesful surgery and I hope you recover quickly, I've never seen someone so positive :)

[Nick Swan]

great to see you back blogging Nick. Please keeping it going! Make sure the wife is looking after you! :-)

[McWilliams]

Nick...

Glad to hear things went so well!

[Josh Dura]

Nick, glad to hear everything went so well. Here's to hoping your recovery is quick :)

[Peter Tilbrook]

Basically Nick what we are trying to tell you is we all love, respect and admire you.

We love the software you create/created (HomeSite is a particular favourite) but really who gives a rats - just get well soon!

Personally I'm really glad you are back blogging and working at being "Nick Bradbury" again!

[Peter Tilbrook]

Actually last post was more like Sep 13 2005 at 12:304pm. (AEST at least)

[Ian Horwill]

Good for you on the positive attitude! Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

[Ian Betteridge]

Hey Nick, I'm really glad that the surgery looks like it's gone well - hope you're up and running (literally!) soon.

[Rick Borup]

It's good to see you back online so soon after the surgery, Nick. Best wishes for a complete and speedy recovery.

[Randy Peterman]

Wow! Glad you're OK, I'll continue to be praying for your recovery. Get well so that you can run again. Maybe after everything gets all better you can take a trip to Denver and we'll go climb a 14,000 mountain :)

[Andrew Ross]

Glad to hear you're on the road to recovery Nick.

[Alexander]

Nick, I cannot imagine what you've been going through. You have my deepest respect for being the positive person you obviously are! Get healthy quick again!

[Jeff Wilkinson]

Glad you made it through the surgery so well, though I'm sorry to hear about the hearing and balance problems. With the attitudes you normally show us, I imagine you'll compensate faster than any of us could guess.

At any rate, give yourself time to heal, this *is* a big deal. Our prayers are with you.

[Christopher Wigginton]

Hey Nick,

Best of wishes on your total recovery.

Check out this URL on how scientists have been able to create regenerating mice (not the brain, only the organs and limbs, I'm guessing that nerves fall into the organ and limbs category). Maybe someday we might actually be able to grow back our own parts within our lifetime: http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5744,16417002%255E30417,00.html

[rob cherny]

nick,

take all the time you need to feel better, we're all pulling for you and thinking about you -- good luck! don't worry about the work and stuff, it'll still be there when you're better!

just know you're in our thoughts!

[Matt Sephton]

Glad to hear you're progressing well with the recovery, Nick.

have you tried listening to music with headphones, with both channels mixed into one earpiece? Just a thought.

[Alan Palmer]

Glad to learn that the operation went OK, Nick; sorry to learn about the loss of your hearing and balance.

I'm surprised to see you're online and posting so soon. Just be sure that you don't try to come back before you're ready!

[Alexander]

Nick, all the best for a full and speedy recovery!

[Gerard]

Hey Nick, Good to see that you're doing pretty fine. Stay tuned, stay positive. That's good for a speedy recovery and good health.
Take care and greetings!

[John Serris]

I'm just really glad to see this blog entry! :)

Sorry to read about the hearing loss. That would freak me out. I thought it was bizarre that someone asked if you also lost your tinnitus (did you?)!!

Anyway, here's to a speedy recovery mate.

[Randy Charles Morin]

Nick, good to hear from you. Best of luck going forward.

[alan]

Alex wrote:
"- You can ignore people at will and not offend them. Simply place your corresponding the index finger over the good ear's Tragus (see below). Useful for those mother-in-law moments."

I say....in order not to offend them...be sure to use the INDEX finger. LOL...get better, Nickster

[meryl]

Nick, you have an amazing attitude. As someone who was born without hearing -- I can understand why it is harder to handle hearing loss later in life after you've experienced it than never experiencing it at all.

And the dizzy thing -- I am impressed that you're back online already. I had the same thing happen when I had my cochlear implant surgery and I could not stand to open my eyes for two days otherwise spin city. And I had to go back to the hospital due to dehydration. I couldn't drink or anything because I was so off kilter.

If you need a few tips and tricks on how to have fun with deafness... ping me :)

[Kim Pedersen]

Good to hear that you are looking on the positive side of life, and that you are getting better by the day. Being positive is the best way to recovery. Concerning your new hair style .. Might be that you will grow to like it with time ;)

[Rafael Apocalypse]

Hi Nick,

We can see how special you are by the number of comments on this 'getting-back-post'.

Also like every one here, I just want to wish you a great recovery, and hope that you get back to work soon.

Let's work man, I'm needding some features at my topstyle and my feeddemon too. Hehehe ;) [ this was a joke ok?! ]

Best wishes from Brazil to you man!

[Mike Gale]

Hope the recovery is quick and effective.

[Lance Robinson]

Nick, keep up the recovery. Best wishes.

[Stefano F Rausch]

Good to hear that you're out of "trouble" Nick!

All the best and take care.

[Mitch Wagner]

I'm glad to hear you're on the mend, Nick.

[Chris Garbett]

Best wishes to you, Nick. I am sure your recovery will be quick, with your positive outlook.

[Howard Heflin]

Nick,
I'm so glad to hear that you have come through this whole thing so well. I wish you only the best!
Howard

[Peter]

Glad to hear (no pun intended) you're on the road to recovery. The body has an amazing way of compensating for problems and I'm sure you'll adjust much sooner than you think. Take it easy for now.

[Turker]

Nick,

I am very glad to hear that everything went well with your surgery. You have an amazing attitude. I hope rest of your recovery process goes as well. Take care. Best wishes.

[phil]

Hang in there Nick. Your optimism is a real inspiration!

[Alan]

Get well soon Nick. REALLY rooting for you to be back "as happy as Larry" as my Dad used to say, as soon as possible.

[Dan Woolstencroft]

Good to hear from you Nick - I hadn't expected an update so soon!

That the surgery went so well is fantastic news, and I wish you all the best with your recovery.

[Joe Kwon]

I've been a user of Homesite for the last 5 years, and now I've been trying out TopStyle and FeedDemon, both of which are simply amazing to me. I'm planning on purchasing FeedDemon for myself, and have my company purchase TopStyle for me and each member of my development team.

The point of this is to say that I really appreciate the work you've done, since it makes my work a lot more enjoyable. I pray that you have a speedy recovery.

[David Sims]

Nick...so glad you're "back in the saddle again" :-)

Best wishes for a speedy recovery...and thanks for reminding me to see my own glass as "half full"...even when you're "down," you've still got your humor and are still helping others (even if you don't know it!).

Thanks for your great work and for your great attitude!
David

[Alan]

Hi Nick - a second comment, but I'm not trying to spam you man, honest. I just laughed out loud (several times) at an audio recording of Eddie Izzard (comedian). So, for the equivalent of audio-Larson (they say laughter is a great medicine), check out: http://www.eddieizzard.com/home.izz really hope you like. Again, get well soon, all the best, Alan. (Feeddemon and TopStyle user and fan).

[Joe Triplett]

Your positivity is infectious.

[Barry Nordby]

Hi Nick - I'm glad to hear that you're doing better. Your annoyingly positive attitude is an inspiration! This weekend I attended a conference for a new company the makes "software for the human body." One of the tests to show that the product has an immediate effect was a "tip" test. With the patches on it was much more difficult to unbalance the person. There's no evidence that the patches will improve your balance, but I wanted to share this with you because I thought it could help. I've been using the patches for the past 9 months and have had great results. More information is available at http://www.thepatchpage.com/
Wishing you all the best, Barry.

[David Seguin]

Great news, Nick. I hope you recover fast and well.

[Mayuresh]

Good luck and good to see you up and about.

M

[Mayuresh]

Good luck and good to see you up and about.

M

[Jon]

Great that you are walking along the road to recovery a little further on you will be able to run. Don't forget to stop and smell the roses you will be amazed how sweet they are now.

[Anil]

Get better soon, Nick, we're all rooting for you at Six Apart. Glad to hear your optimism is unabated. :)

[Joe]

I'm glad you're doing well, Nick. I am having surgery on the 27th to repair my first, and hopefully last, hernia. Your positive attitude gives me a little boost of confidence that everything will be just fine. I'm looking forward to the final releases of both Topstyle and Feeddemon. Two amazing pieces of software. Take care of yourself.

[Bob Easton]

Sincere best wishes for a rapid recovery Nick.

Now, let's think about a new business venture. How can we bottle that "annoyingly positive" stuff? We could make a fortune. Better yet, make it an aerosol!

[Perry Nelson]

I'm delighted to read that you are well after the surgery, and I wish you the best in your recovery. Your attitude is both wise and inspirational.

[Alan]

One other thought Nick. My mother was told that as we age, we rely more on sight and less on the inner ear, for balance.

[Phil]

Best wishes and a speedy recovery.

[Archangel]

Good to hear you're recovering and getting stronger. I wish you well and will include you in our family prayers Nick.

[Ryan Ware]

Right on Nick. Take each day for it's fullest! Your post makes me realize how lucky I am and realize I need to be more positive.

Wishing you a very speedy recovery.

[karan Bavandi]

Hi Nick,

Glad to hear that the operation went well and you are on your way to recovery. I wish you great health and all the success.

[Marc Thayer]

Hey Nick,

I recently began using TopStyle and decided to review the homepage in a bit more depth, and here I am now at your blog, reading a hopeful entry about a life-changing event that is often handled quite negatively by those whom endure it.

Good luck to you.

[Srgjan]

Best wishes for your recovery, we're with you all the way

[Sundaramurthy C]

Hi Nick I pray the almighty for your speedy Recovery .Good Luck to you

[Bill Claxton]

Nick - This was a very moving post. I've been thinking about it for a week.

I went through something similar last year, and it wasn't pleasant at all. But with a sense of humor (as I can see in your lates post), you'll get through it.

Best wishes for speedy and full recovery.

[Shel Holtz]

Glad you're doing well, Nick. As for the hearing loss...I used to have a guy who worked for me who was deaf in his left ear. He deliberately always kept his head turned to the left when in meetings so, if he heard something he didn't like, he could claim he hadn't heard it because of his deaf ear. Just a thought -- it could come in handy!

[Scott Hanselman]

Hang in there. I've had vertigo like that, and the darting eyes is normal and will pass eventually. Sounds like you're handling it like a trooper. Congrats and be well.